Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Slow Goings

Fat Kid is officially a year old. Such a bittersweet day as I celebrate the milestones he's hit the last year, but also realizing that my little boy is growing up way too fast. I feel very cliche when I tell people to cherish every second you have with your child because it goes by in the blink of an eye, but it really is true.

Anyway, I'm "getting to know" a few potential IPs right now since I have the time to waste. It seems that IPs are just as flaky as surros in this world as I've had a few just stop talking randomly. Their loss, not mine. I have two solid IPs that I'm holding out for. Both are willing to work with my time frame so we'll just see how it goes from here.

My medical records are all in and ready to go! I'm going to be making copies of them so that I always have the original, but I'm excited to have one more thing taken care of. I also started my bcps yesterday as I've started another cycle so I won't be worrying potential IPs about me getting pregnant in the meantime.

Ah, Fat Kid woke up from his nap. To be continued...

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Progress! and a little speed bump

I'm slowly getting over the disappointment from the bombshell the previous IPs dropped on me. I can understand it somewhat, but the way it was handled was...without tact and thoughtless in my opinion. I'm sure they see it differently but I still harbor a bit of resentment for them. I feel horrible saying that because they're genuinely good people. I hope they find a donor to move forward with.

As for myself, I've been moving forward as well. I had an appointment on Friday to get some of the required blood work done for future REs and signing the releases for my records. I have a wonderful relationship with the PA (physician's assistant) at my PCM's (primary care manager-my insurance company's name for your primary doctor) office and she told me she'd get everything done ASAP so I'd have it before she moves. I'm sad she's leaving the practice and even more sad that she's moving so far away (Utah), but I'm glad I got in to see her before she left.

Anyway, she called on Monday to tell me that the menagerie of tests I'd written down had come back and all were perfect so she was giving me the go-ahead for my surrogacy (woot!). She also called in a prescription for birth control pills so I can be on them ahead of time for cycle predictability (and manipulation) and to prevent pregnancy...which brings me to the speed bump. Not sure how it came up, but N and I were talking last night as we lay in bed and he mentioned wanting a second child after he comes back from Afghanistan. He knows the risks associated with surrogacy and doesn't think much of them. This is a weird situation for me because we talked about this 5 or 6 months ago and I was the one wanting a second child and he didn't. I'm not interested in raising another child. I loved being pregnant and I'm anxious to pursue the surrogate route, but I don't want more children of my own. I hope he'll come to understand why, but for me, I've got all I need with our son.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Downfall

I guess I wasn't prepared for this sort of thing, but I'm glad it happened now instead of later.
My IPs backed out on me. They got nervous and decided to find someone else. In a way, I kind of feel like I've been broken up with. I want to cry, but I have a toddler to care for so that's not really an option. My husband wants to know if it's something that he did, but it's on me. I guess this is a lesson learned on my part. Just as IPs are cautiously hopeful, I should also be slightly guarded when dealing with IPs.

I'm not getting discouraged. I'll be putting my time and effort into getting the last of my ducks in a row so that the next set of IPs I meet and feel comfortable with will be ready to go and we can move forward without issue or waiting.

Back to square one :(

Finding a Match

The bond between a surro and their IPs is something entirely unique to the surrogate community. No traditional relationship can be compared. Until you've experienced the heartbreak and pain of infertility and until you know how it feels to be willing to ensure that you would die to give them a child, you don't really understand. There's a level of comfort that comes with the right match that you can't fake and you can't put into words. While the IPs remain cautiously optimistic, the surro does everything she can to reassure them.

Being a surrogate for someone requires a lot of commitment. It is very much like a full-time job. Embryo transfers don't always take and it could take months or even years before you are pregnant with their child. Getting to know the IPs at first is very much like the first few dates with someone new. Both parties are excited and anxious to continue speaking, but at the same time you're guarded because you don't want to invest too much emotionally in case it doesn't work out.

For me, meeting my perfect IPs was much easier than I anticipated. I expected months, even years of talking to IPs before finally meeting the right ones. In reality, my IM found me and conversation flowed between us so easily that I was convinced it was too good to be true. Not only were the IPs amazingly understanding of my husband's crazy schedule and the toddler I have who occasionally decides to "help" me type or refuses to allow me five minutes to end a conversation before tending to him, but they have everything I could ask for in a pair of IPs. They both have stable jobs, she works from home, they desire involvement with the pregnancy, they're loving, caring and honestly, they have that connection with me that tells me this is the right family. They were sent to me for a reason and I am meant for them.

Stereotypical First Post

First and foremost, welcome. This should prove to be an interesting journey for all of us. I meant to start this blog a week or so ago, but alas, life with a toddler proves more interesting than anything.

My surrogacy journey begins about two years ago. I made the conscious decision in early spring of 2009 to become a surrogate or egg donor. I looked into agencies and started filling out applications. Being under 21 and not having had a child of my own, I wasn't taken seriously and I got discouraged. Egg donation wasn't really an option for me and I started realizing that the further I got into the application process. I'm tall and height-weight proportional but I'm not Ivy League educated, breast cancer runs on my mom's side of the family and high cholesterol on my dad's. It just seemed that egg donation was more of a popularity contest and I didn't have the genes to make me popular. Surrogacy seemed like my best bet and gestational surrogacy (commonly called gestational carrier since your eggs are not used) was my plan. 

Fast forward to January 2011. My son is six months old and I begin thinking about surrogacy again. At the time he was 100% breastfed so I knew no RE would even speak with me until he was weaned. With his GERD, weaning wasn't an option and I'd always said I would breastfeed as long as he wanted. I started talking things over with my husband more and more, seeing if surrogacy would be a good option for our family, making sure we were content with just our son.

Skip forward another six months. With my son's first birthday almost here, I've started trying to find a match. Armed with as much information as I could find about gestational surrogacy, the things to look for in IPs (intended parents-the person/people whose child you'll be carrying), the IVF process, different fees and legal stances, etc, I began one of the most life-changing journeys I will ever experience.

This blog is my account of the experience. My thoughts, fears, the day-to-day emotions that you have being a surrogate. From start to finish, long before the pregnancy to long after, this is what it's like to be a mother and to give the gift of life to another family.